Real Talk: The Whole Truth Behind The "Your Preference Is Racist" Discussion

MTV’s Decoded is back again to specifically talk about racism on gay dating apps.

We know, several readers are probably rolling their eyes and sighing (or did so as soon as they saw this article’s title).

That said, the conversation of racism in gay dating keeps coming up for a reason. The topic is relevant in several gay men’s lives.

We know, in today’s PC culture some readers may feel like we’re the boy who cried wolf, and honestly some people’s perspective on the issue can be quite repetitive/restrictive.

That said, the overall situation is fairly simpler than most are willing to consider.

First, check out the Decoded video starring internet content creator Dylan Marron (of the “Shut down” series) to see most of the situation’s truth. Then, come back to read this Instinct writer’s additional thoughts below.

Now again, we know that some of you are already triggered and writing down your opposition to this side of the conversation (if you haven’t already), but hear me out.

No matter what, the preference to date only one type of guy is by definition racist. (Note: I don't mean having a preference of liking Native/Indigenous men more than other races. I mean the decision to reject all other men or one type of race specifically).

For instance, imagine if I were to say, “I’m only interested in Black guys. It’s a preference.” By saying so, I’m ultimately rejecting every other shade of man that there is out there. Do all mixed men look alike? No. Do all Asian men have the same personality/lifestyle? No. So, how can I outright reject all of men of a certain color? That’s a gross generalization.

By rejecting all white men, for instance, simply because they’re white, I’m showing prejudice against them based on their race, which is the definition of racism.

On what basis can you really justify going, “I wouldn’t date you because you’re ____,” or “I would never date a _____ guy,” when there’s a wide variety of looks and personalities within one race?

And if you’re immediate response is, “That’s just what I like,” or “That’s what makes me hard,” my response to that is, “Why?”

Now, of course, there could be some understandable explanations like some kind of traumatic experience. But even then, the simple solution is exposure. Meeting a few more Latino men can widen your perspective on Latino men and wipe away that bad memory (in terms of dating at least).

Now for those vehemently against this “Preference is Racism” mentality, here’s where you might be happy to see my reasoning.

At the end of the day, this writer realizes that I have no real sway in anyone else’s life. Everyone is entitled to dating whomever they like, and my forcing my views on you would ultimately be another form of oppression.

Let’s be honest, this is your life. I may not be happy with how you run it, but you get to live and date how you want.

But that’s not all. There’s one final piece to the puzzle. Acknowledgement.

As someone who understands the “preference” defense is racist, I can still acknowledge that I shouldn’t force my views too much on others. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t express them.

In addition, you can live your life and date whomever you want, but I hope that you can eventually acknowledge that what you’re saying/thinking is inherently racist. I’m not asking you to change (though I’d like you to), but I’m asking you to acknowledge the problem.

Alright, that’s my spiel. That’s my perspective. What do you think? Is there a hole in my reasoning? Do you agree or disagree? Share your thoughts below.

Just remember when commenting, there are (hopefully) other human beings on the other end of your screen.

New Dating App Asks You: "Don't Be A D*ck"

We’ve all felt that rejection at some point in our life. Maybe we are already self-conscious about our weight or the way our hair looks or maybe even our status, but nothing takes the cake quite like coming into contact with prejudice that is disguised as ‘preference’. Sure, we all have types, which is an innate connection to cultural or social norms that have been engrained in us to ‘like’ what we ‘like’. While that’s valid, is it really necessary to give that guy who has taken the time to say hello a big “Get Lost” because he doesn’t meet your standards or criteria in your arsenal demands?

No fats, no femmes, Whites only, no Asians, 25 and under, hairless, negative only—you may be thinking it, but these types of statements create hostility within the LGBTQIA community, further perpetuating stereotypes that so many are working against. If you’re not interested, just ignore, block, swipe left, or try kindly declining before making that one dick move that proves why you are the gem that you are. Preference is one thing, but humiliating or ridiculing others because they don't meet your preferences is a different story.

So if you’re having a hard time with turning down the douche notches, Chappy, a new dating app, may be what you are looking form.

The app seeks to diffuse the disrespect found on dating apps/sites and make the hunt less grueling.

Chappy states:

Introducing The Chappy Pledge, our biggest project since we first launched Chappy. Over the last 10 years, gay dating apps have revolutionised the way our community connects with eachother. Technology has helped us invariably, from meeting likeminded guys just a few feet away, to building networks and making friends in new cities. While these platforms have given us such a convenient space to date and connect, they also provide a screen to hide behind. Sometimes we lose touch of the realities of what we're putting out there. We say things we may not even realise could offend others, and prejudice is disguised as preference. Our incredible and progressive community is pulled backwards in time by anonymous platforms that provide spaces for actions and language that we would never deem acceptable in real life. We did some research into how guys use, view and talk about dating apps and we kind of just thought... Why be a dick to someone when you could just swipe left?

We’ve decided it’s about time that guys loved dating again, so we are taking on unsolicited d••• pics and headless torsos to put faces and people back into dating for the gay community.

A safe, high-quality platform, Chappy is all about gay guys making connections on their own terms, whatever they are looking for...

Whether you’re looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, Chappy gives you ultimate control. You pick a mood, then we show you the guys who are looking for the same thing as you. Find a match and see what happens!

Check out this video and learn more about the Chappy Pledge. Maybe you’ll be up for, maybe you won’t, but at least don’t be a dick.

This video was updated on 11/27/17 without Josh Rivers, previous editor of the Gay Times Magazine--here's why!